Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
