Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
