I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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