I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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