I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You are a genius and a whore.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
