i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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