how can u be prego again
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
