my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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