I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
