any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Enjoy the penises
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
