i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
