They should really pass out barf bags in church
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
