where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
