You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
