I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
