And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My nipple is on Facebook.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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