You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
