she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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