U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
