I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
