Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
