Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
