i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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