I don't usually arrange sex via text message
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
