my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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