So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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