Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
