you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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