Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
