I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
