Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
