did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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