you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
