I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
