is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
