Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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