mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we're so committed to being not committed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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