I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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