Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
