I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
