During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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