sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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