would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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