I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
