At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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