hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
