She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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