I am puke
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
