I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
