Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
