Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
