dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
