i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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