I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
