Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
