I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
