I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize