i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
