YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
