the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
