Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
