that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
