So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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