They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
