so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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