1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
