I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
