there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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