So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
