Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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