This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
