omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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