maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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